– Monday Muse –
Dear One, there seems to be a time in the walk of some of God’s followers when they foolishly try and make a move to take the lead.
I say that because that once became true for me. It seemed as though my attitude had changed from obediently waiting…to thinking “Lord, this is the way this effort should play out. This method I have in mind should reap the desired results. Lord please come along with me and bless me as I go.”
I thought, oh my, what am I thinking? I know my place, me follower, God leader! What is going on with me? I must get a hold of myself. God forgive me.
We find examples of such sorry behavior all throughout the Bible with Adam and Eve, with Rebekah and her son Jacob, with Abraham and Sarah, with David and Bathsheba and on and on. When we hear or read of them, we often think, how can they be so thick headed as to think they can run ahead of God? Don’t they understand that God’s timing is perfect? Is there even one single thing perfect about them…apart from God? No, nothing. Running ahead of God…pif, pif pif. God’s timing is perfect. Theirs is not.
This kind of crazy thinking seems to happen when Man grows tired of waiting for God to bring something about. It appears that such impatience also brings on a state of stupidity.
For I had been thinking, I’ve waited long enough Lord, I have put in my time with this, it’s time to make it right. Then I would cry out, oh don’t think like that. And, of course, I knew that I could not hide a single thought from God. It was embarrassing, shameful, juvenile, but my train of thought had become a Non-Stop Express.
When I was first heading into that disobedient frame of mind, God would lovingly send encouragements my way and I would, once again, get my head on straight. But soon, my desired goal would again leap into the forefront of my mind.
Finally, to my shame, more shame, I said, “Holy Father please, do not put any more dangling carrots in front of me, I am tired of being encouraged only to keep on carrying on…to realize that completion is still not within sight. I want it now.” Be assured, I know that this is not the way to think or speak to God. Never! But I did. My, He is merciful. With my next breath, I asked for forgiveness, and became angry with the next. Pathetic!
I got to the place where I worried, “Father, might I lose my faith over this? Is this what happens to former believers? Lord, I do not want to be a FORMER believer. Lord, no, this is not some sneaky, underhanded threat. I truly want to learn to be able to accept the unacceptable and continue on serving You with a full heart…no matter what. Help me, help me.”
Although there was, and is, so very much to be grateful for, within my particular concern, I was miserable. But I did not share it. For I did not want to take the chance of possibly weakening another’s faith. I believed that I had to keep the severity of my grief to myself…except of course for God.
So why am I sharing it now… because God has nudged His straying lamb back into her former position, the one where God leads and she follows. Ah…finally…though the battle was brief it seemed long.
How did this come about? It was all out war. I fought like crazy with my own sinful self, had it out with Satan again and again, and asked God to forgive me – many times, in the midst of a still unrelenting heart. I begged God to make my heart right, until finally God’s way of not doing what I wanted made the unacceptable acceptable. Gratefully, with my eyes on God, now fully trusting Him, I stepped back into my position as follower. Praise God.
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common
to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be
tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation
will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
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